How to Pass a GED Test When Stoned, Having Just Locked Keys Inside the Car
By Jessica Evans
Spill hot chocolate down the front of a fresh new hoodie, a gift from Nate for luck. Get stoned on the drive downtown from Pleasant Ridge but decide it’s fine to take the test anyway. Hit the bowl once while gathering the six copies of paperwork, per instructions. Spritz twice with an imitation lavender spray stolen last week from Walgreens, kept for moments exactly like these. Open the door and manually press down the lock before carefully closing the dented Neon against the city. Just as the door closes, spy keys on the dash, placed there to hit the bowl. Consider skipping the test because who needs a GED anyway. Try to focus. Recall this city breeds dichotomy and you were born knowing how to compartmentalize. Inside, proffer pot-scented paperwork to the proctor. Try not to look him in the eye. Sit for the test. Breeze through the easy bits, guess on all the rest. Finish two hours earlier than the time allotted. Feel the high slowly fade out, recede like river water. Explain about the keys to the proctor who doesn’t care. Call Nate who doesn’t answer, so head outside to brainstorm solo. See the cop at the end of the block. Worry about the bowl in the car. Know that the Walgreens spray probably didn’t cover the smell of the Kentucky hydro. Cuss out loud when the cop locks eyes with you. Do your best to look pliant, peaceable. Put your hands out, slow. Smooth down the stained chocolate.
Jessica Evans writes from Arlington, VA. She is the EIC for Twin Pies, poetry editor for Dress Blues, prose editor for Knight’s Library and serves as a mentor for the Veteran’s Writing Project. Work is forthcoming in LEON Literary Review, Emerge Literary Journal and elsewhere. Connect with her on Twitter @jesssica__evans.